I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
