Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
