I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize