I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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