Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
