and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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