I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
