I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
