hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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