They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
