ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
