Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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