I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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