Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
