Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
