Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im part way to drunk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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