I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
