my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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