Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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