I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
