Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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