she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
