I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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