I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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