I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
