GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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