Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
