i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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