i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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