The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
