You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
