I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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