I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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