I faked an abortion last night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
