The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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