see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
