They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
