walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
