OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So much rum. So many feels.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
