No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
