My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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