Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
