this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
