this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
