so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
