I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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