hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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