you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
