So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
