Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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