only if we run a train.
done.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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