Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
