He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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