everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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