I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
