saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
