do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
