They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
