2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
