Porn is love you can see.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
