he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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