But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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