i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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