She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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