I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
