her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
