I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize