Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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