Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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