I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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