if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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