on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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