I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
