Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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