She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
