i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
