Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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