census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
